Board of Directors : Make John Cena the New Papa John
John Schnatter, the founder of Papa John’s, stepped down
from the company after confessing to using a racial slur on a conference call.
The company has removed Schnatter from all their marketing materials. There
will be no more commercials featuring Papa John standing in a kitchen, touting
“Better ingredients. Better pizza.” What is Papa John’s, without a Papa John? A
new face of the company must rise.
To Board of Directors:
Your company needs a new spokesperson – someone who will pick up the mantle of Papa John and uphold the dignity of the office. This person should be recognizable, friendly, and named John. That’s why we want you to appoint John Cena as the new face of your brand.
Before you hand John Cena the iconic red apron, you may have some questions about him. For instance, is he an accomplished professional? Yep; he’s a 16 time world champion. What’s his reputation like? Sterling. He’s granted hundreds of Make-a-Wish wishes for sick kids. Does he like pizza? Probably; you’ll have to ask him.
If you need any more proof that Cena would be a great Papa John, you should know he even has several of his own catchphrases. Please make John Cena the next Papa John.